today i started crying and i just couldn't stop. i cried because i'm jobless. i cried because i'm broke. i cried because i'm not ready to be off my meds. i cried because it's all my fault. i cried because i always screw my life up. i cried because i'm lonely. i cried because i'm older. i cried because i hate crying. i cried because i'm scared, because i'm unsure, because i'm sick of being "a friend," because i don't know how to be anything else, because my ankle was throbbing, because it always is, because it's unfixable, because no one else cried about it.
i cried because i didn't know what else to do. i cried because it started to feel good. i cried because i'd been holding it in for so long. i cried because i had pms, cramps, and my allergies were outta control. i cried because i'd blown my nose so many times it started bleeding. i cried because i couldn't remember why i started crying. i cried because i forgot how to stop.
but mostly i cried for my grandpa. i don't want him to die and it's likely to happen this weekend. i don't know what to do. i know he hurts and he's ready but i just can't accept it. i was too sick to make the drive there today and i'm scared i won't see him again. family is flying in. this is it. oh god, i'm just not ready to say goodbye.
2 comments:
I'm sorry! Here is a hug, and it is okay to cry :)
I miss my Dad. He died 6 years ago from cancer, he was also in a lot of pain and I felt relief for him when he died. It is hard sometimes, but it gets easier.
thank you! i feel so selfish crying and then that just makes me cry more.
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