love for sale

i've adopted a new blythe. she's a takara petite carousel lucy with black hair and black eyes. i had a paypal bonus i had to spend and i figured i'd best use it on something pretty, girly, and very unnecessary. here she is! i think she fits the requirements quite well, don't you?

i think i'll make a matching outfit for me. maybe i can have it all done by the time she gets here.

the holy grail of beaded collars (and some strawberries and insanity)

so a couple weeks ago, i scored a bag of vintage collars at value village for $2.99. things in my life got a bit wonky soon after and i spaced them off, forgetting to open the bag and see what the heck i actually ended up with. so today, needing a little pick-me-up, i ripped into it. holy crap - i hit the jackpot with this one. i almost started hyper-ventilating as i pulled the little treasures out one by one.

knit collars with pearls, crocheted collars, a faux fur with metallic pearls, an angora stunner... omigod. love. love. love.

linus was kind enough to model one of these beauties for me.

lucy is is her "rabbit hole," this weird sorta nest she's built for herself under my bed, or i'm sure she would've modeled one as well. she spends hours down there without a peep. don't quite know why.

in the bottom of the bag, i found this dainty crocheted with ribbon tie and two vintage hankies, both pinned to poster paper. they appear to have come from a rummage sale, like something you'd find at a church. too perfect. i'm loving it all.

i've settled in with a big batch of buttons, a bowl of fresh strawberries, and plans to create a few button necklaces and repair the fur cape i've been ignoring.

"hush hush sweet charlotte" is queued up and ready on netflix and my americano is on the bedside table. it's time for some craft therapy a a healthy dose of insanity that can only be delivered by bette davis. yays.

have coffee, will craft.

polka dot circus dress, white shrug with embroidered birds: anthropologie

orange hair flower: jonelle lind

ivory circles and oval necklace: forever21

vintage black slip with tulle and coral ruffle: vintage shop on melrose in l.a. in '97

black tights, strawberry dansko clogs: nordstrom

climbing back out

it ain't easy, but i'm trying. it's brighter outside than i remember it. the season felt ominously ambiguous as i trekked down to the drugstore for hair dye and sleeping pills. there were buds starting to peek out from the soil, but there were also dead leaves blowing out of the trees. i know i should take it as some sort of metaphor regarding the co-existence of life and death, but i don't really feel like getting into that right now. i'm sure you all understand.

jacob came over on thursday and we worked on these collage-type-things, having to do with setting your priorities for the year during a certain star sign. i don't really get that part. it reminds me a lot of the life mapping tony&tina used to have us do way back in the day. essentially, we had to cut pictures out of magazines to symbolize our wishes for nine areas of our lives.i have a lot of magazines sitting around - old, unread copies of vanity fair, nylon, paper, bust, missbehave and glamour (NOT my choice - they started sending it when jane folded). jacob brought jet, ebony and entrepreneur (supposedly for the former tenant at his apartment, but i have my suspicions).
we worked diligently for a few hours. this ladybug appeared from nowhere and hung out on jacob's shoulder. he says that happens to him all the time. apparently, the ladies like him.
i found a lot of things that embodied the type of stuff i'd like to have in my life during the next year.i finished mine long before jacob did but i went back later and added more $$$ emphasis.

i really want to get back into the beauty industry this year but still maintain my focus on apparel and design. i also put a big emphasis on healing - internally and externally - and i need it even more now than i did last week. dude, it's all about working. i want "work" to be the theme for my year. i want to get back to it, get a lot out of it, and be content with it. i don't know if its like a birthday wish and if i share it, it won't come true. let's hope not. i imagine it will work in whatever way i believe it will and the rules for the mechanism of the thing are totally up to me. yeah, that works.

my outfit today ended up being an accidental homage to little edie. happy thoughts!

this is the revolutionary costume.

antique cloche with encased glitter and flowers: antique store in bremerton

vintage gingham dress: the tree trunk

burgundy boots: frye

honeymooners necklace: the great madame fortuna

grey armwarmers (they are NOT "babylegs" jacob!): nordstrom san fran

we all have our problems.

ewwwwwwwwwwwww. nickelback.

"you're maudlin and full of self pity..."

"... you're magnificent!" ah, george sanders, if only that were the case.

i haven't bathed since friday. in fact, i've barely gotten out of bed. i've been living off of ginger cookies, pbr, starburst, and turkish golds. i'm prone to crying jags and fall asleep at the drop of a hat. i'm miserable. my nose is still cracking and bleeding from blowing it so much. my allergies are so bad that my eyes are swollen too big to open all the way.

it's been a rough week - losing my grandpa, losing my job, losing my meds, losing my life... i just can't switch myself outta this mode. partially, i don't care to. what's the point? i mean really, what is the point? what am i gonna do - go to job interviews from employers who never even bother to call me back to tell me i didn't get the job? stare at my phone that never rings unless it's bad news? go out with the friends i don't have? sew some stuff up for my store that no one will ever buy? maybe i should just play more guitar hero. yeah, playing a fake guitar in a video game all by myself will really make me feel better.

i hate everything.

.

my grandpa passed away last night.

a good long drawn out crying jag

today i started crying and i just couldn't stop. i cried because i'm jobless. i cried because i'm broke. i cried because i'm not ready to be off my meds. i cried because it's all my fault. i cried because i always screw my life up. i cried because i'm lonely. i cried because i'm older. i cried because i hate crying. i cried because i'm scared, because i'm unsure, because i'm sick of being "a friend," because i don't know how to be anything else, because my ankle was throbbing, because it always is, because it's unfixable, because no one else cried about it.

i cried because i didn't know what else to do. i cried because it started to feel good. i cried because i'd been holding it in for so long. i cried because i had pms, cramps, and my allergies were outta control. i cried because i'd blown my nose so many times it started bleeding. i cried because i couldn't remember why i started crying. i cried because i forgot how to stop.

but mostly i cried for my grandpa. i don't want him to die and it's likely to happen this weekend. i don't know what to do. i know he hurts and he's ready but i just can't accept it. i was too sick to make the drive there today and i'm scared i won't see him again. family is flying in. this is it. oh god, i'm just not ready to say goodbye.

there are hazlenuts in my bed

i found them while searching for my cell phone today. they couldn't have been there for long since i just changed the sheets tuesday. it's still weird that i dropped so many and didn't even notice.

i sent off a deferral request for my student loans today. fingers crossed... this will save me a lot of money of it goes through. after figuring out my monthly expenses, i have stopped taking my meds. eeeeeeeeeeeeeek! panic panic panic! the sad fact is that i just can't afford $300 plus each month. i'm gonna try some herbal remedies and good old fashioned gumption to get through. people did it for millenia without the help of pharmaceuticals and i gotta give it the old college try.

a question i am often asked is, "what do you wear when you clean your house?" people who have been to my house often ask, "do you clean your house?" my roommate is a former frat boy. his mother comes into town once or twice a year and cleans up after him. for reasons of masochism and self-loathing, i decided to clean our kitchen today. this hasn't been done in almost a year. sick, i know. at least i'm being honest with you! plus, i want your sympathy.

stacy comped my coffee at starbucks today since i dropped my americano upside down on my porch last week and admitted to her that i'd done so. that gave me some good fuel for starting this ordeal. i really worked hard, guys. i pulled out the oven and fridge and cleaned the floor and walls no one will ever see. i washed all the dishes, dusted and wiped all the shelves, cleaned the rugs, and scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees while the cats mewed under my heels, demanding to know what the fuck was going on.this is so gross! i'd rather be swabbing the poop deck. after two hours of work and all the dresden dolls albums, i was finished. suddenly, that pbr light tastes damned good!

the mailman knocked on my door with a package from doublespeak in austin. yay! the newest issue of her zine and this gorgeous slip were hiding inside. i know it's hard to see, but she embroidered "buy me a whiskey" on it. i look a bit haggard but i'm sure there are desperate enough guys to take me in all my stinky greasy glory up on that offer.i'm sneezing my brains out and my nose won't stop running and now jacob is on his way over. i hope he doesn't run away when he sees me! i'd better get some dinner started and open another one of those pbrs before "guitar hero" sucks me in again.

here's an overexposed picture of today's ensemble, pre-cleaning jag.

vinatge poly sailor top: xtabay 2003

undershirt: forever21

gauchos: jovovich-hawk for target

owl necklace: citizenfox.etsy.com

black boots: palladium

polka dot hair clips: anthropologie (who really shoulda hired me when they had the chance. jerks.)

mens tube socks with a hole: in my drawer. musta been cory's!

suesday returns

cory and i used to spend every tuesday night hanging out. we dubbed it "suesday" and sometimes it spilled over into "webbsday" (as in cory WEBB). we hadn't gotten to do this in quite some time and we both missed it terribly. since i'm pretty much housebound, cory made the trek over to west seattle for a little "guitar hero world tour" action. hells yeah!

one of the super cool things about "world tour" is designing your own rockstar. cory and i took this very very seriously. in fact, i think we each spent a good chunk o' time creating them. here's cory stretching the face out. you can even give them broken noses if you want! pure genius.rocking out requires malty beverages, dontcha know. tonight cory and i discovered pbr light. i don't recommend it. blech! it'll do in a pinch, though. i have a feeling the suitcase we bought will take up space in the fridge for a while.

i'd like to say i look tough, but the laura ashley dress makes me look like an amish chick on an extended rumspringa. still, it works for the ease of movement factor. (oh, the fishtank is bill's. i know, i know - it's filthy, lacking in water, and we had to put up with a horrible grinding sound from rocks that are stuck in the filter. any hate mail chastising bill for fish abuse will be forwarded to him. feel free send 'em.)

i tried singing but after playing guitar for so long, i switched back after two songs. cory defaulted to bass and we were kicking ass. our band made over $6000! where do we cash that credit in for the real green, guys? anyone have a clue?

the evening was over far too soon. cory's sweet girlfriend even drove out from capital hill to pick him up. thank you, christine! and thank you, cory. suesday is back.

ping

howard wants to be my friend on myspace. yeah, must be my huge love of golfing, a game i've never played and never understood, that drew him to send me a friend request.

i feel a bit cruel mocking the guy, but really, what on earth possessed him to "friend" me? i gotta wonder about folks who send out friend requests to complete strangers without even adding a little message to justify said request. even just a "hey babe, yoooo are such a HOTTEEE" would suffice. stroke my ego, man. give me a reason to like you.

as a shut in, i have sometimes found myself "friend shopping." you know, checking out hot guys as i hop through friends friend lists. not that i'm looking, especially now since jacob is like THE hottest guy ever (even if he hates the picture of himself in my blog), but it's fun to see what's out there. i haven't sent random friend requests in years, but i could if i felt like it. which i don't.

but i digress. howard, if you can send me a 1,000 word essay on why i should be your friend, what interests we have in common, the merits of golfing, and what a HOTTEEE i am, i might consider you for friend status. CONSIDER, not approve. i'm unemployed and bored. give me something to do. or a job. i'd make a smokin' hawt cart babe. or we could just skip the middleman and you could pay my heating bill for the winter so i can feel my fingers again. what do ya say?

attention chaud!

another week, another coffee, another visit with grandpa.

xander and i visited grandpa on saturday, although i was kinda grouchy due to the bruises from my express trip down the stairs. xander got this teeny little monkey in his happy meal and decorated it up with a flower crown. doesn't he look pleased as punch?

always the little artist, he created this deluxe prince with some printer paper, staples, scissors and lots of crayons.

as you can see, he loooooooooooves sock monkeys. he even picked one out for me to sleep with. that's true love! i had volunteered to assist the amazing jason webley with preparing his latest record, a collaboration with sxip shirey, for shipment. we all met up on sunday afternoon at the incredible house of max and teresa beery. my ribs were wrapped (made breathing easier after banging them up) and i was on copious amounts of ibuprofen in order to keep this commitment. i think i was a bit wired as well as i had choked down huge amounts of coffee. i really wanted to do this and i'm so glad that i was able to! i met some incredible people i would not have otherwise come into contact with.
here's max beery numbering each record as it was a limited edition pressing of 1,111 (jason's label is "11 records").
as a treat for helping, jason let us each have a copy of the record. it was so funny how each of us chose a specific number in the sequence. i chose 1031.

we also were fed a great dinner of nibbles! we had mango cheese, fresh guacamole prepared by jason and cat, papaya, tons of artichokes, home made scones, strawberries, brie, crackers, salsa, and tons more. everything was washed down with boars blood wine.

this shot was taken before all the goodies were on the table. by the time everything had been set out, there was barely room for us to eat!

jason shared the fact that the best way to get all the goodness off an artichoke is to use your thumbs to scrape the meat from the leaf. this became a euphamism for living living life to the fullest, as in, "you gotta get your thumbs dirty to get the good stuff." but don't get your whole hands dirty - that's just greedy!
here's part of the gang towards the end of the night. this was as we packed up the albums in shipping envelopes, added the addresses, and sealed them all up. it was so neat to see how many countries around the world had ordered copies. also, there were some hilarious foreign names, including one winging out to someone simply named "atom." we decided he was a super hero, ridding the world of bad music and white collar crime. i think he lived in the netherlands, too. towards the very end, jason broke out a box of random treats that someone had given him the night before at his show with sxip shirey. what he's laughing at is a sticky man clinging to the map, slowly climbing down like a wacky wallwalker (remember those?) but much MUCH slower.
we all shared to pop rocks and drank what was left of the wine while discussing the deer casualties in twisp, the short stories of roald dahl, goat stories (as opposed to ghost stories), baking, traveling, and whatever else popped into our heads. max told each of us to select a rock from the bathroom before leaving - every surface was covered with random beautiful natural and polished rocks as well as pictures of the beery family throughout the years. max also gave me a vintage cowboy scarf with tassled trim since i adored it so much! they are such a great family and an interesting and warm bunch of people. how cool is that?

i gave cat a ride home and it turns out she went to high school with our dear solanah! small world, eh?

i was barely able to get out of bed yesterday and i sorta wish i hadn't. apparently, the shifts i thought were covered at luna park really weren't. no one called me. uh, ok. thanks for looping me in. i still don't know what to make of that. confusion.

but hey, my band kit for "guitar hero world tour" arrived today via fed ex. woo hoo! now that i'm suffering from a lack of work, i'm gonna lay on the couch and learn to play the drums. i think maybe i'll start a new career as a video game rock star. what do ya think?

this sign on my street pretty much sums up how i feel right now.

vintage laura ashley corduroy floral prairie dress: value village

pocketwatch necklace

pink tights: target

blue converse slip ons: nordstrom

help! i've fallen!

yup, down the stairs of my own home face first. i am black and blue and limping like mad. worst part of it all is that my phone was upstairs so i couldn't even call anyone to help me. who feels stupid? i do, i do!!! boy, do i love being a gimp.

i'm so sore today but at least i was able to get out of the house. i'm at my parents house and they're helping to take care of me. my mom was pissed that i drove myself over but i didn't really have any choice. i crawled up and down the stairs so i'm avoiding my home for a bit. my writing is crap today - i'm spacy. i'm okay, just whiny, bitchy, and mad at myself for falling. i'm scared that i'll have to move someplace that's safer or something. i hate admitting that i need help. why can't i just be normal again?

vintage grey poly dress with blue stripes and purple flowers: goodwill

tie belt with bluebird: ratedrclothingco.etsy.com

giant hair flower: merch booth at moisture festival

skeleton key cuff: bayousalvage.etsy.com

purple tights: nordstrom

burgundy side zip boots: frye
so while i recover, my plan is to ramp up my etsy shop. i'm gonna take it to the max! i've got some incredible and unexpected salvaged materials to work with (including the most fantastic onion sack ever created) and i'll be hard at work on embroidery and vintage upcycling. there's a good chance that my stuff will be modeled by my dressmakers dummy since getting dressed is quite painful at the moment. i also have those beautiful beaded collars to play with. some good things will happen!

two days of fun

jacob came over to visit me on wednesday and it was great! i picked him up at the ferry and then we ran down to the pike place market for some produce. i got my favorite hazlenuts with sweet coating - they taste like crunchberries! jacob snapped some pictures of me haggling with the produce vendors and buying asparagus (a $1.99 a bunch!), huge heirloom oranges, strawberries, purple potatoes (so yummy) and other great freshness. i gotta get those pictures from him.

(this is where i bought most of the produce but it's someone else's old picture. waaah!)

we ran back to my house to start dinner - corned beef in the crock pot. then we had 5 hours to kill before it was done. what better way to kill time than thrifting?

if i didn't already have a huge bed frame, i would've love to get this one. it's earwax yellow velvet!

we started at my favorite goodwill in burien where i scored an incredible fur "shawl" from the 40s and a beautiful red wool wiggle dress from the 60s with big buttons. jacob used to live out in west seattle so he showed me some of his favorite thrifting spots including st vincent de paul in burien (70s flight bag!) and value village (cream underskirt and a bag of vintage collars for only $2). he wasn't finding anything so we headed back home to wait for the meat.

we still had a couple of hours so i sliced up some rosemary diamante bread with a sprinkling of sea salt and we snacked on that and some wonderful creamy imported cheese. we played my karaoke video game for a bit but my fingers were itching for guitar hero. i only have one guitar so we had to take turns. jacob looks so serious here as he fumbles through "kool thing."

after torturing him by consistently getting 150+ note streaks and 97% accuracy ratings, i finally turned off the game. much to his chagrin, i turned on "Dog the Bounty Hunter" which he had never seen before. "wait 'til they get all preachy on the people they catch and share the love of god! you'll love it!" i don't know that he did, but he sure laughed a lot. he was shocked by their son's waist length mullet, too. go figure.

dinner turned out good. the corned beef was beautiful and jacob was happy i cook it with potatoes instead of cabbage. i explained that cabbage makes my house smell like a baby's diaper. the asparagus was oh-so-good and we ate fresh strawberries for dessert.

jacob snapped my wardrobe remix picture for me since i've been neglecting my postings. i chopped diagonal bangs again just to switch things up. hi linus!

vintage dress with drunken kitty embellishment: aorta.etsy.com

grey sweater shrug: goodwill

pink pearls: gift from alyson

stripey socks: target

turquoise tights: target

burgundy velvet platform converse: nordstrom in '93

when i woke up thursday, i was like a little kid. i kept dancing around and singing, "john's taking us to the circus today!" john bennett, the owner of luna park, was taking a bunch of the employees to the opening night at hale's palladium for the moisture festival, a vaudeville/variety/circus showcase. the promise of sally pepper's aerial feats and a guy who makes a bologna sandwich with his feet had me giddy.

i had to head out there right after work so i wanted to make sure i wore a great outfit. as i dried my hair, i glanced up at one of my black apple prints and knew exactly what i'd wear.

the cupcake peddler - my inspiration

my outfit! notice the resemblance?

cream colored dress: jovovich-hawk for target

endless pearls: mmefortuna.etsy.com

underskirt: value village

creamy knee socks: target

ladybug apron: christmas gift from sweetpea

rocket dog clunky mary janes: goodwill

i was able to freshen up my makeup and add one of my fairy crowns from which goose and a tie belt from rated r clothing company before heading out to hale's.

john bought us all dinner before the show and we tried some of the most unbelievable beers ever! hale's cream ale is like the glittery tears of a virgin unicorn from a dead planet. (sorry, that was a tangent we got into at the table as an explanation for the sickeningly high beer prices someplace else. hale's prices were great and i think i had the best fish and chips in my life there. truly.)

i wish i'd taken some pictures of us all before we went in since there are no pics allowed inside the venue. i had to snag these off the internet. but isn't it cool in there?

this is godfrey daniels. i can't describe what he does with his big red balloon that makes it sound as incredible as it was. wow. it's so simple - he just chases it. why was it so captivating?
i was super excited to see sally pepper. she is phenomenal.sadly, i got a call during the intermission. grandpa's heart is in bad shape. hospice has been called in. i left immediately and cried for two hours while getting all the info from my mom and sister. i'm stuck here today waiting for a guy who's repairing our doorknob (don't ask) and then heading back across the sound. i'm going to spend the weekend over there and have as much grandpa time as i can get in.

i'm doing ok with it. it's hard but i'm kinda bucked up, ya know? going to try to be as upbeat as possible. i owe that to him. we'll have fun. i just know it.