i hate to be angry or depressed but today was horrible. i had to take way too much abuse and i arrived home in tears. i'm scared to death of the world, feeling like i have no place in it. i feel like a failure, a screw up, an idiot. i'm boiling inside and know i have some major life-changing decisions to make.
but then i walk up to my front door and before i can even get the key in, linus and lucy are yowling out
their greeting. they almost knock me over when i get in, both of them trying to give me love and lick my hands. (they're lickers for some weird reason. linus even licks my tears away when i cry.) in seconds i go from feeling cold and worthless to warm and loved. i even smile as linus stands on the bannister to lick my tear soaked cheek. how did i ever get so lucky?
their greeting. they almost knock me over when i get in, both of them trying to give me love and lick my hands. (they're lickers for some weird reason. linus even licks my tears away when i cry.) in seconds i go from feeling cold and worthless to warm and loved. i even smile as linus stands on the bannister to lick my tear soaked cheek. how did i ever get so lucky?vintage red butterfly diane freis dress: total score at an antique store for $9 and the tags were still on it! i had no idea they sold for $100+. i just thought it was cute!
green frye boots: zappos.com
white and red tassle socks: target
bangles: forever 21
hair flower: jonelle lind
smile: a gift from linus and lucy.
i burned my face today at work when a coffeepot splashed me. i just took off my makeup and found two small welts! not bad or scary looking but they are somewhat painful. anyone have any good burn remedies they can recommend? the cheaper the better. i've got a cold pack on 'em now.
2 comments:
I'm sorry you've had a rough go at things lately. Life is a bitch sometimes. It just hurts me to know that you're hurting. But I think you've got it in perspective. You still get up, get dressed (fiercely I must say), go to work, and fight the good fight. So you haven't begun to lose functionality (like I have).
I've lost hope. I am going through my life routine out of rote. But I cry every frickin day. I resent and hate every frickin day. And little things like daily showers and shit are now becoming less and less doable for me.
It helps that you have loving little furry ones. I do too, although, she's much too demanding on me these days. I am a failure as a pet owner.
I don't know how I'm going to pay to go back to school. But I know I'll die if I stay down here and continue rotting.
Your blog is refreshing to me because you're REAL. None of this "Fashion blog" shit... with no real substance behind it. That shit bothers me. You are living and fighting, in addition to having the most kick ass sense of style out there... And that's why I follow you.
I don't know if anything I've said makes any sense, b/c I don't sleep much these days and I am just sick to death of the whole fucking world now. I love you and only want the best for you, S.
preaching to the choir, beautiful. i couldn't deal today so i've eaten a few sleeping pills and i'm going back to sleep. sometimes it feels like my life is just a huge failure. i know it's my disease talking but the phrase "i wanna die" keeps running through my head. no worries, i won't do anything. i just wish i could make the pain go away.
i didn't know you had a kitty. my last kitty used to pee on everything and attack me in my sleep. i tried and tried to love her but after eight years she had to be put down. i still feel horrible about it but the vet bill to treat her urinary condition would've been several thousand dollars.
thank you for your praise of the blog. sometimes i wonder if i'm getting too personal but then i let it go. i am inspired to write what i write. content be damned - i write what asks to be written.
i think of you often. i know school will happen. it's meant to be for you. i wish i could help you with your depression and pain. i'm going to try to get into a medication program and will send details to you if i'm successful. chin up, lady. i'm beside you whether you see me there or not. i love you, too.
but i hate the world a lot right now.
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