so my lame ass poll got me thinking of how joss whedon has this amazing ability to manipulate me into having celebucrushes. spike was hot, yeah, that's a given. angel had that whole vampire-with-a-soul thing going on, but look at the sex appeal whedon dangled in front of me, like the proverbial carrot - horse thing. he made me like guys i had no intention of finding sexy by creating these unbelievably sexy characters and giving them the wittiest dialogue ever. here, let me prove it.
case #1: oz
he played the guitar, he was short, he was smart, he was a werewolf, his halloween costume was a sticker that said, "hello, my name is GOD." hot.
case #2: wesley wyndham-price
"rogue" demon hunter, broken heart, british accent, shot his father (well, a robot he thought was his father), exiled from the watchers council, stood up to angel and got his throat slit for it but still survived. hot. oh, and he consulted an oracle that turned out to be a clown in a drive thru burger joint. hotter.
case #3: giles
not as much of a gimme as the others but he totally grew on me. and i got older and more desperate. british accent, craggy forehead, started singing in a coffee shop, kicked out of the watchers council, lost his job as a high school librarian when he helped burn down the school at graduation, angel killed his gypsy computer teacher girlfriend. hot.
case #4: charles gunn
sported a do-rag in the first season but i forgive him. rogue vampire hunter, had to stake his own sister, allowed the entire knowledge of law to be placed into his brain when angel investigations took over evil law firm wolfram and hart, knows his way around a sword, dated fred. hot.
case #5: connor
hot. oh, and he was the angst ridden son of two vampires who grew up in a hell dimension and impregnated his father's crush with a demon spawn that blotted out the los angeles sun. well, just look at him. HOT.
case #6: jayne
you gotta see what this guy can do with a gun. hot.
case #7: simon tam
genius, doctor, rescued his sister from a government stronghold, got shot, dated a mechanic. hot.
case #8: malcom "mal" reynolds
revolutionary war hero (different revolution), ship captain (it's a spaceship), outlaw, in love with a prostitute. hot.
case #9: dr horrible/billy buddy
yeah, i know nph is gay, but dr horrible wears goggles and sings about laundry. HOT.
case #10: doyle
probably the most tragic character of them all. shortly after his character was killed off in the first season of angel, glen quinn died in real life. that sucks but it doesn't change the fact that he was hot AND irish.
but the hottest hot HOT hot thing from the whedon-verse is totally xander harris
so he got syphillis from dead angry indians, got engaged to a vengeance demon, fell for a praying mantis, dated cordelia who caught him kissing willow, and lived in his parents basement and ate fruit roll-ups. even with one eye, he was still hot. HOT HOT HOT!!!
yay for xander-shaped friends.why can't i have one?
hello, sweater vest. HOT.
yep, i am truly pathetic. did i mention that i like to watch "gossip girl" on mute so i can enjoy the pretty people but make up my own storylines? no wonder i'm single.
2 comments:
1. Ohhhhh, Conner. Conner. *loooooong sigh* Conner. I can't believe he hooked up with Cordelia. Ummm, Susie, you get cooler by the second. I loooooove that you posted this. Are you excited about the Dollhouse premiere? Could I possibly sound any nerdier? Yeah.
2. You have got to start turning that volume up on Gossip Girl. Seriously, you won't be disappointed. It's worth it alone for Chuck Bass.
chuuuuuuck. yum. the whole mute thing was an accident the first time. i got a phone call and hit mute, forgetting the tv was even on. two hours later, i walked through the living room and saw the prettiest tv people ever prancing across the screen. i sat down and watched for almost 15 minutes, forgetting the tv even had sound. after that, it was addictive. during reruns, if i know what's gonna happen, i speak my pseudo dialogue aloud.
i ordered the first season through netflix so i can get caught up on people's actual names and find out what really happened. you're not the first one to tell me i will love it even without my replicants vs. kgb double agents plot.
and connor... i wanted to go to jail for a piece of that. whoa, did i actually just type that?
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