snow snow and no swimming

it was snowing when i left for work at quarter to seven. not sticking but snowing nonetheless. it snowed off and on all day. as my shift was ending, it started pouring down. roads still clear but sticking to the grass and cars. now it's dumping and sticking. i wish it would die. i don't wanna get stuck at home again with nothing to eat but campbells soup, white rice, and oatmeal. lame.

everyone loved my dress today. it was the first thing i ever bought from anja/clever nettle at estate sale . after wearing jeans (well, technically dungarees) yesterday it felt really good to bathe and dress like me.

i've been swimming a few times lately since i've felt so cooped up, and it's super weird but my body is melting away. you can especially see it around my chin and neck, hence the cheesy pic i posted today. i noticed my clothes fitting a bit looser but didn't put two and two together. i stopped caring about my weight years ago - my bod kinda regulates itself and i fluctuate between 145 and 155, only knowing that from my visits to the doctor's office. scales are for weighing produce, meat and parcels, not people. i laugh at the girls who whine when their weight goes above 125 - they must lead such empty lives to worry about something so stupid! i never skip dessert and i always eat my shift meal at luna park. after nearly a year of burgers and no real exercise since last june, i think my heart was screaming for the swims.

i'm super limited in what i can do for cardio due to my cripple-ness. swimming is my zen time, my susie time, my time away from the world. i sometimes do hydro-fit but i prefer lap swim. i backstroke with my ears under the water, stare at the ceiling and swim for as long as i feel. i totally clear my mind - it's so easy when you can't hear anything. i would kill to go tonight but when it snows, everyone starts driving like mr magoo. i don't wanna chance anything so i'll just hit the pool tomorrow instead.

for years i didn't go out in public in a bathing suit. while i was at a waterpark at age nine, someone called me fat. from that point on, i avoided swimming or any activity that would expose my thighs. i thought i was the only one with this fear, but automne also spoke of this fear in her blog. after the accident when my leg was all shriveled up and covered in scars from the reconstruction, i said, "screw this!" i would swim nearly everyday at colman pool, an outdoor saltwater pool here in west seattle. people looked at me because i had to use a lift to get in and out of the water, not because of my thighs. i am so glad i got back into swimming. i don't know what i would've done that summer without it. it seriously boosted my physical therapy and healing time, too. yay for that!

the cats are shivering and trying to get me into bed so i'm gonna curl up and read for a bit. kinda boring post for today but nothing happened. no cute boys, no tuna fish kisses, no domestic disputes in the parking lot or drunks crashing their cars into the building. makes me long for the good ol' days, like last week when mom pants were laughing at me. guess i oughtta dig out a really zany outfit for thursday. i'm thinking tutu again...

vintage poly floral dress: estatesale.etsy.com

mabel stark necklace: mmefortuna.etsy.com

hair flower: jonelle lind

turquoise tights, brown knee highs with tassles: target

burgundy boots: frye