throw me a rope - i wanna pull myself up

i'm highly imperfect. i've made mistakes in life. i've screwed up. many times. but i deserve a chance to make things better. i deserve to find work, to find a job i can physically do. i know i have limits but that is not my fault. i didn't ask to be run over in a goddamn crosswalk. i didn't want to lose my ability to walk correctly. i didn't desire to be in pain when i stand, to come home limping so badly that i have to crawl up and down the stairs because my leg can't support my body weight. it's been a struggle to come to terms with it. it's caused me mental distress, depression, feelings of low self-worth, nights laying awake wondering if i'll even be able to get out of bed the next day. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of being unemployed or highly underemployed, working jobs that i am not physically fit to do. i don't know how to fix it. i'm scared to death that i'll lose everything. i doubt the world and feel there's no place for me in it. i want to be part of it but don't know if i can. i don't want to be a burden to my family - they should not have to support me nor do i think they can. i'm at a major point now, a point where i could potentially fail. miserably. i'm sorry for the bad things that have happened. i wish i could go back and fix it all. it feels unfixable. it feels like there's no hope. i am so damned beaten down anymore that i wonder if i'll ever pull myself out of it. i'm so scared. i try but i should try harder. it's such a struggle. i can't even see light at the end of the tunnel anymore. please please please get me through this. please give me some sort of a sign that i can get through this. please. i'm hanging onto any shreds of hope but they're so worn and tattered and threadbare that they won't last much longer. i'm tired of saying, "i used to be..." i want to say, "i AM." please god just get me through today. i'm begging. please.