"France fell but Edie didn't fall"

this is my sitting room. it's where you go to sit. we're not sitting.

the "to do" list for today read like this:

1. fax stuff to unemployment

2. get groceries - PRACTICAL inexpensive groceries

3. mail netflix
4. get haircut

5. go to bank

6. don't spend hours watching "twilight" again even though you know you'll mock it in front of other people

7. cut off linus's claws - he has too many and they're catching on everything

so here's how it all ended up:
1. check

2. brie is practical. if you live in france. which i don't.

3. check

4. check
5. check

6. i only watched the first hour of it. twice. and then spent 20 minutes IMDBing actors in it. it's just so i can mock it in front of everyone else.

7. i got one claw cut and then linus turned into a twisting hell beast and ripped a huge gash in my forearm. now he's hiding under the bed and muttering at me.

i feel accomplished-ish.

this is how i woke up this morning: linus sitting on my chest, saying,"yowl-o" over and over. i rolled over, dumping him on the floor, and put the pillow over my head.
as soon as i got rid of him, lucy tackled me and shoved her face under the pillow, licking the inside of my nose. not a good smell.

i had a rough night, ya know. i stayed up late watching dead like me and tried to figure out if ellen muth looked anorexic. i think she did.

sweetie, i love you but you're scaring me with those arms. i feel like a bitch saying that, but they were so distracting to me. i kept having to "rewind" so i could catch the dialogue. that's not right.

i don't know if she's actually anorexic but i was pretty upset to learn that her favorite musician was mariah carey. does she even count as a musician? she reminds me more of a monchichi. picture her with her thumb in her mouth and you'll get it.

well, to get rid of the cats, i opened up the window and let them play on the roof. linus became "guardian of the window" and blocked it with his ass. when lucy tried to come back in, he growled at her.

god, being unemployed is boring.

i finally bathed and got dressed and ran out the door. too bad i locked my keys inside. linus was laughing at me.

at least i know i do things like locking myself out so i was prepared for dealing with this situation.

i caffeinated, faxed, mailed, and went to my swell little budget cuts salon with an old copy of zinc magazine tucked in my purse. the stylist was kinda scared when she saw the pictures and kept asking me if i really wanted it that way. i assured her that i did and started playing mini golf on my ipod and acting nonchalant. i was excited about the haircut but i didn't want to make her nervous - she was shaking for the first part of it. poor girl. but it turned out swell, just like the pictures!

the music playing in the salon was insane. i heard pet shop boys, whitney houston, a cover of the 1979 dan fogelberg hit "longer", and "the warrior" by scandal. takes ya back, huh?

before i left the salon, the stylist asked if she could take a picture of my hair. i thought that was cool. i'm becoming a serious fan of the $14 haircut place. will i ever go back to my salon? will i ever be able to afford to? god, i hope so. they give you a nintendo ds to play with while you're getting your hair done. and that's why i pay so much to go there. uh, yeah.

i am covered with little tiny hairs. i did my best to brush them all off and then i beat myself silly while attempting to sticky roll them off. i think i have bruises.

so while i was driving back, i took some pictures of this house.

here's why: on monday, jacob came over and we decided to go to "sarah" pailin thai for dinner. it was pretty out, nice and sunny, so we walked. i was wearing a beautiful white full circle skirt dress with blue flowers and lace trim. two little dogs were tied up to this tree on the parking strip (NOT in the yard, people).

these dogs were ugly little crusty eyed ankle biters - you know the kind. as we walked by them, ignoring them (y'all know i'm a cat person), one of them jumps up, starts barking, and grabs the back of my dress with his teeth. next thing you know, i feel tugging and hear the sound of ripping lace. that little turd ripped my dress! in the butt!!!! MY dress!!!! what do i do? start yelling, of course! what does the owner do? she hides in the house. lady, yer door was open. wench. i'm incredulous and jacob kinda laughed.

when we got half a block away, the bitch-mama finally came out. we stopped walking and i glared at her through my betsey johnson sunglasses.

"should i go tell her that her dog destroyed a $400 dress?" i asked jacob.

he shrugged and then asked, "didn't you pay $10 for it?" SO not the point but i didn't go back. i don't know what good it would've done. besides, now i get to glare at her and think evil thoughts about her when i drive by. maybe i could play pranks on her. hmmmmmmmmmm..... suggestions?

if i had a children's tv show, this is what it would look like. and yes, the liquor bottles would be part of the set. how else would i keep my puppets from falling down? i only have two hands!

i did my outfit shots outside today so you can actually see what i'm wearing. okay, wardrobe remix - i'm baaaaack!

vintage hippie dress with embroidered animals and side ties: muffin kitty

grey shrug: goodwill

member of the secret order necklace: mme fortuna

sunglasses: betsey johnson

burgundy boots: frye

i really do have other shoes. these are just so handy.